Anorexia @recoveringrosiie

Anorexia was the thing that no one ever really talked about. I was overweight, so what would that even mean to me?  I spent years accepting people’s harsh comments about my weight and my physical appearance, I would hold my stomach in whenever a boy walked past me, I would spend days sweating in hoodies, all because I thought I was disgusting.  In May, 2018, I stopped going to school. This was due to severe anxiety and an overwhelming feeling of sadness, which later on was diagnosed as severe depression. I wasn’t properly diagnosed with anorexia until July, that same year, but I had all the symptoms. I felt terrible for putting my family through so much strain and making them feel just as bad about themselves as I did. I spent the months leading up to summer alone, in my room with a treadmill downstairs. So I then became obsessed with exercise. I made sure that anything I ate, I burnt off double the calories.. even if it was just an apple.  In my time of anorexia, I had purged only once. And I will regret  it until the day I die. I had forgotten how good food was, I had forgotten that food wasn’t being ‘weak’ or ‘giving in’. Food was meant to be pleasurable and enjoyable.  Recovery isn’t easy, of course I have my good days and bad days, but I’m so grateful to now be able to eat what I want, when I want!  - @recoveringrosiie on instagram