I always struggled with self love. I never understood the concept. I always believed that, unless I was critiquing myself profoundly, then I would be considered nothing less than selfish, vain, and full of myself. I thought self-love only projected outwardly, it was for other people to see. If I loved myself, then I must of thought I was pretty, perfect and a good person. For a long time, I can’t say that these are things I’d ever describe myself as. I always thought the worst of myself. I had to. My head convinced me that everyone hated me. Everyone’s thought I was ugly. myself or have people laugh or talk about me behind my back, I had to reflect and reciprocate those views about myself, for myself. I didn’t realise self-love encompassed much more than what you think of yourself. It’s about giving yourself some credit. It’s forgiveness and acceptance. Self-compassion and care. It’s about learning to give yourself some rest and doing what you enjoy. With the knowledge that it isn’t subjective to people who are deserving. Everyone is deserving. The world is so cruel. It’ll throw us the biggest curveballs and not shy away from exposing us to the destructive and the scary. The things that we can’t protect ourselves from. We need some self love. We need to show ourselves that compassion and kindness because if we can’t protect ourselves from the world then we need to show it kindness whilst it heals from what it’s damaged by. No matter what our opinions may be of ourselves, or what anyone else’s opinion may be. It has to come from us. My top ways I show myself some self-love;
- write three positive affirmations about myself in my diary each day. Even if I don’t believe them.
- Bubble bath. Bath bomb, candles, the lot.
- Do nothing, relax. For 20 minutes I sit with my eyes closed, music playing and I relax.
- Purchase something for myself. Retail therapy is definitely my favourite form of self love. Being the teenager I am, of course.
- Socialise. I do something that my head tells me that I do not deserve to do. I deserve to do what I enjoy. We all do. Allowing ourself to do so, is self love.
Everyone will have something different for them. No ones way’s of showing self love will be the same. That’s why it’s known as self-love. It’s unique and specific to you personally. It’s not selfish and most definitely not a waste of time. You have time. I know the excuse. But you do have time. Practicing self-love and compassion is now proven to be key in improving mental health, mood, self-esteem and motivation. It isn’t something made up or silly. How can we expect to be loved or accept love from others if we can’t show it to ourselves? We need to give ourselves the compassion and kindness that we would give to others. Stop thinking and believing that we, ourselves, are less deserving than everyone else. It isn’t the truth. We should all love our mind and body, everything we, as individuals encompass. No matter what race, age, gender, ethnicity, size, or disability. You don’t have to like yourself. You just have to accept that you are who you are and that’s unique and invaluable to this world. You hold purpose and you have to respect yourself and thank yourself through love and kindness for that. I recently read a quote that reads “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference” and it really resonated with me. We spend so long self-critiquing and diminishing ourselves, spend so long trying to go against who we are to fit in with this world. Going against everything self-love stands for. When really we need to be enforcing the love to ourselves to work on ourselves to make ourselves the best version we should be. You can’t be the best you through self-hatred. It has to be with self-love, compassion. It has to be acceptance of the things we can’t change and courage to change things we can. There’s nothing more representative of self-love than allowing yourself to flourish to your greatest potential and rising when the whole world seems like it’s attempting to get you to fall down.
So give yourself the time you deserve. Allow yourself to be aware of your worth. Take the love you share with others and give yourself a chunk. No ones asking you to be entirely happy or to like yourself. It’s just time we all at least allow ourselves to be thankful for our bodies and minds despite that. It’s not easy and having low self-esteem or a mental illness only makes the feelings of rejection of this ever-more powerful. However, we spend to long showing love to the demons in our heads by being submissive to their commands, forgetting who we truly are and deserve to be. It’s now, that we are more deserving of giving ourselves love than ever before. Introduce a small thing each day slowly. It takes practice at first and a lot of effort. But it gets easier. Eventually, it will become something you are subconscious of. Something that, like it should always be, is just part of how you live your life - for you.
We can’t treat ourselves like we’re our own biggest enemies for the rest of our lives. Not if we want to live. Be kind to yourself, accept who and what you are, be proud of it. Compassion, love, and acceptance . It’s not selfish to do something just for you. Learn to do good for yourself and it’ll radiate to everyone else. Be the best version of you, by treating yourself like the best version of you. It’s the only way to truly live, and not just survive.
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