So I'd love to talk about self acceptance and changing body image in recovery.
Here's my story. When I was a child, I never cared about my body, my weight, how I look like or anything. I just lived my life and you could tell I was actually really happy. I ate the food I loved without feeling guilty. Then, when puberty started, I thought I was to big and wanted to lose some weight to look better (I alread was at a healthy weight). I started to hate myself more and more until I couldn't look at it anymore. This is where bulimia started. Bulimia gave me comfort, I was "in control" about my food intake and was sure to not gain weight through this. But I didn't lose weight either. The bulimia got worse and worse until I was sick of it, I didn't want to purge anymore, I was disgusted with myself. I began to get fear foods, a huge fear of gaining weight and I lost the lust for food. I thought I might just eat a little less and healthy and I'm better. I just wanted to get away from bulimia without realizing that anorexia was right around the corner. I started fasting and all these things, sometimes I didn't eat anything for days. I lost much weight and my health got worse (physical + mental). I was constantly cold and dizzy but I liked the feeling of starving and was scared to change that. Then that one day, I was at my lowest and it was prob the worst day ever, I went to a friend. I hadn't eaten anything in 2 days and when I woke up, I thought I was dying. I was hot and cold at once, I couldn't stand up or I fainted, I just couldn't move. I thought it was over. So I remembered I had an apple with me, so after taking some time I took the apple and ate it.. and instantly felt better. This was the day where I told myself I can't go on like this. Recovery started :) I won't tell my recovery story but I hated myself since years now and often I still don't like my body. But my body image has changed a lot. I don't think I'm big, I know this isn't my voice. I know this is the ED, the master of lying, trying to trick me into thinking so. It was a huge step realizing that. I don't see my flaws that much anymore, I see the things I like my body. Knowing what my body does for me really makes me love it step by step. I have legs I can walk to amazing places. I have a belly where all my organs are at that do so hard work to keep me alive. My body gives me so much love, how could I hate him for that? So this was my story, thanks for your attention. Stay strong, it really will get better💗
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