@plant_based_lydia

I wish I could tell the past me that it will be okay. That gaining weight and acting against the destructive thoughts wouldn’t make me lose control and I could enjoy living again. For 7 years I cried over having a drink, screamed on the kitchen floor, compulsively exercised, isolated myself and convinced myself that my family would be better without me. Even cooking and baking (now one of my favourite activities) were off limits because I was terrified that I could inhale the calories. I wanted a future but the thought of living was too much to handle. 

I’ve always been a very determined person, which has had its strengths and downfalls. In July 2018 I put all my energy into recovery and finally used that determination in a positive way. It hasn’t been a smooth sailing year, but after years of being in a cycle of gaining weight and then relapsing, this time I’ve gained the weight and also gained an unmeasurable amount of happiness and freedom in life. 

My weight may be the highest it has been, but I’ve also made great new friends, got two scholarships at university, attended numerous vegan activism events, ran a half-marathon, volunteered for charities and done countless things that challenge my anxiety, all of which I could not have done when I was ill. Recovery gives you so much more than a healthy body. I didn’t recover and become the person I was eight years ago before I became ill, I have created a new life that I enjoy and look forward to.

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