I am giving you permission to eat. I know you try and lie to yourself, “I’m not hungry.” Deep down inside of you, you know this isn’t true. You are hungry - you’ve been hungry for many years. It is time to start eating and start healing. Go on ahead, eat all you need to. It will be okay.
You have permission to rest. Exercising may temporarily ease your anxiety, but it is killing you. Right now, you need to be still. If you need to sleep more and take a lot of naps, that is a good thing. It means your body is using the energy you are giving it to repair itself. Do not be ashamed or call yourself “lazy” - you are doing exactly what your body needs you to do.
I am giving you permission to throw out all the scales, measuring tapes, and clothes that were never meant to fit your healthy body. Burn them if you want, smash them, tear them into tiny pieces. Destroy what tried to destroy you. You may feel anxious about getting rid of these objects, but it is necessary in order to move on and start your new life.
Most of all, I give you permission to grow. In recovery, growth takes many forms. Sometimes we must gain weight and physically change into healthier, stronger selves. Other times growth looks like learning to redefine ourselves outside of our eating disorders. Like all forms of change, growth can be scary. I promise you, it is worth it.
Life without an eating disorder is beautiful. It is learning to feel alive again. You weren’t always sick. You once were able to eat without fear and be at peace with your body. You can get there again. Recovery is possible. I’m giving you permission to go and seek it.
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